So I have decided. This is IT people!
When I look in the mirror I am just completely disgusted, YES DIS GUST ED with myself. BUT - in order for me to be happy, love myself and for others to feel the same way, I've got to change. I know everyone out there is probably thinking oh yea another one.. another one of these. but really what else do I have to write about? I mean talking about it to everyone is not going to help but at least with this process it'll help me motivate myself to be able to do what I need to do in order to achieve my goals.
"I've never been so motivated and determination to change my life around, so what if I'm a little shy of 25 years before figuring it all out, some people never do! :) "
quote from my own facebook page. If anyone knows me well enough to say, I get really antsy and I'm definitely SUPER impatient when it comes to achieving my goals. So as of last week, I changed my whole diet around. 5 small meals a day. This week, so far :
Day 1: First 7am wake up call to ease into getting up early. Eventually we will be jogging and going long distances.(oh and by WE i mean, the boyfriend and i). It was SO hard. Jim started last week, I was proud of him for making the initiative. It inspired me to want to do it with him so that we could have a healthy life style. I literally woke up and finally smelled the roses. I mean the thoughts in my head are: Wow i am so unhealthy. i hate the way i look. i hate the way i feel. i have no motivation for life. I'm about to 25 and I've done nothing I thought I was going to 10 years ago. I was soooooo motivated for life and do to EVERYTHING, and then it just went away. So I woke up Monday - and decided to go for a walk half asleep with my boyfriend just a few blocks to start. Then I went home and napped for 20 minutes before work. Worked an hour shift and then felt so great that I wanted to come home to work out to that Jillian Michaels DVD (30 day shred), and after that I wanted to take the puppies for a walk. I just pushed myself a little further.
Day 2: Today was rough! I woke up so sore all over. I mean the good kind of sore that everyone talks about when you work out hard and your muscles are moving around to re-adjust. I forced myself yet again to wake up but this time about a half hour earlier, we got done with our walk before 7am. I was pretty proud of myself. Another 20 minute nap, then work. Then home. Took the puppies for a short walk, and now sitting here debating on working out or saving my body for tomorrow morning. I want to try to ease into working out in the mornings too instead of at night because I feel like I have no day left when I get done with everything. On top of making dinner, doing dishes, maybe laundry and trying to find a little time to relax before bed. There really aren't enough hours in the day. So heres when I am so changing the way I that I think (if that makes sense) I'm sitting here debating if I want to work out tonight and then try to do it tomorrow as well to help ease the pain. Now the question is HOW BADLY DO I WANT THIS? I feel guilty for not doing it. And I feel like I can sneak it in, it's only 20 minutes and it'll help me get to my goal and I can always stop if it gets too hard. And I'll hate myself for not keeping up with it although I pushed myself so far yesterday. But honestly - all I want to do is take a hot shower and relax and ease into enjoying my day off like I always do. But I can relax as soon as I do the work out. So this is where my crazy mind is headed.
This is definitely the HARDEST thing that I've done my whole life but I am sick and tired of complaining about it and realize that it's my own fault and I need to change. So there's my answer, I will be working out. funny how its such a big debate. But this is where I feel like this time all I see is tunnel vision and I am really determined to do this. I've never been so determined about any of this before. Honestly I'm just lazy. lol.
